there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
