There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Come see our sink grown plant.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
