Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
