Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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