i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
