This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
