I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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