you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
