i don't like sucking hair
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
