You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
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