My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
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