is your mom at the bar?
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
why didn't you poke me back
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
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