my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
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You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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