You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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