I just made out with a guy for $7.
Please, let me fuck your mom
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
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