Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Small penises have feelings too.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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