they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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