so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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