Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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