dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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