3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
stop calling my apartment porn island.
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we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
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I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
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