he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He shit in the fireplace
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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