I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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