you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
whose parrot is this?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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