she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
