Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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