She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize