I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
