And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
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I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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