New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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