so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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