Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I could fuck to npr.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
