The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
