Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
