At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
40s are totally the cure
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
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