We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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