I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
