Just cropdusted the office
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
