I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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