She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
She bit a glass in half.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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