If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
