38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
