ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
