I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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