you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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