One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
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He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
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He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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