I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
