i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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