Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
