Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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