made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mondays should just be called national damage control day
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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