Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
