there's paper in my vomit.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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