New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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