Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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