ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
