i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
