Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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