The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
