I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
