Christians are straight up FREAKS
I am spending my child support on dildos
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
