How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
